Thursday, December 23, 2010

Here's some history in your eye!

My friend Bryan posted the following quote on facebook:

"Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love." -Gandhi

I responded with:

“Maybe if Carthage had taken up that ideology, Rome wouldn't have burned it to the ground.”

Honestly, I could have referenced any historical event. So here are the runner ups for his comments.

1. That’s exactly what the Cherokee people did when confronted with American expansion. And everything turned out good, right?

2. Tell that to 1939 Poland.

3. Tell that to German Jews from the 1930s-1945.

4. That kind of thinking is what kept Troy alive well to this day.

5. Exactly what Athens and Sparta did to end the Peloponnesian Wars.

6. How do you think the US was able to outdo the Soviets during the Cold War?

7. Just what the French did during their revolution.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Not My Barry, You Bitch!

Dear Barbara Streisand,

My Civics and Government teachers called and said you’re a total fucking bitch.


A United States Citizen who paid more attention than you in 7th grade civics and 12th grade government.

That is my response to Babs’s stupid rant on Larry King the other day when she said she was disappointed in Obama. This also goes out to Gene Simmons of Kiss who said he voted for Obama out of pity and now regrets voting for him. According to people like this, Obama needs to singlehandedly fix every problem this country faces. Obama must go over the heads of Congress, the Supreme Court, and just not give a fuck about State jurisdiction to fix any and every problem.

The Executive Branch, according to these people, is the most powerful branch of government! Thomas Jefferson and your boys the anti-federalists must be having a bout of violent diarrhea in their graves! There’s this little thing called a balance of power. You know, where one branch checks the other and no one is able to be more powerful than the other. It’s done so that we don’t accidentally have a tyrant. You know, the kind of shit we bitched about in the Declaration of Independence and made it possibly through the Constitution.

So who should people’s bitching and ranting be directed to? Congress, of course! They are the ones who create and pass laws. That’s one of the many things they get to do. Yup, they are the ones in charge of passing legislation that are supposed to meet our needs or fix problems. Congress doesn’t necessarily have to follow what the president wants! Oh, is Congress not working efficiently? Guess who's in charge of their own rules ? CONGRESS. Guess who voted for the invasion of Iraq? Congress! Guess who removed the Public Option out of the Healthcare Reform bill? CONGRESS! Guess who can stall Congress from doing any of its legislative work? A Senator! It’s called filibustering! Certainly, some of you out there have seen the West Wing!? RIGHT?

Anyway, maybe the problem is with these two party systems? Or maybe a population that isn’t very educated on how its government works? Or maybe I shouldn’t watch a news report on what celebrities think of our elected President. Sigh.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Never Give Up

Abraham Lincoln once said "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." And that's just what John Wilkes Booth did.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Shortly before she died

If Looks Could Kill...

I’m a sucker for light blue and green eyes. If you catch my drift! HAHAHA! But seriously...light colored eyes = instant love.

And so, this was my thought as I stood in line at Subways. That and cursing the girl in front of me for having a complicated order. Who the hell gets grossed out by lettuce touching their sandwich? Anyway…this one guy in line, who looked like he could be a total douche with his Gucci man bag, had green eyes. Not the pond scum kind of green but more like the lightly colored boogies you had as a child. They were emerald. I immediately fall in love and stare at my lover for the next 15 minutes. And then…he vanished…I was heartbroken. Then I saw this really cute guy as I was walking to class and totally got over the other guy, haha. Does that make me shallow? Maybe!

But seriously, if you think about the person you want to fall in love with, who doesn’t think about what he/she will look like!? Certainly the person I date must have some kind of personality! For Christ sakes, it’s not as if I’ll go for some brain dead bison that only looks good…maybe, okay at least once! But appearances really mean a lot. I definitely better be able to find something attractive about you. I may not always go for the JT look alike but come on!

Honestly, I’m a modest man. I’m not looking for anyone too flashy. In fact, I would prefer if the guy I’m with isn’t such a fashion aficionado. Wouldn’t want the ol’ boy outdoing me, hahaha. Also, a lot of the fashion trends rub me wrong. Point can be an average guy with a great personality and I'll find the beauty in that.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Monday Monster

Behold! The monster that lurks in the employee parking lot! It has already claimed countless victims (I say “countless” as I haven’t been able to really count how many people, if any at all, that are victims).

So I’m walking to my friend’s car to help her carry some stuff and this 18 inch monster is lying there just soaking up all the power of the sun. It saw me and ran, probably to someone else who looked more delicious.

I ran and screamed like a school girl around the parking lot (not once, not twice but thrice)! I made it safely back to the protection of my office cubicle. I did some arduous and extensive research. I googled non-native lizard species of Florida and immediately found what I was looking for. The monster has a name! Nile Monitor. According to the the Fish & Wildlife Commission, the Nile Monitor is a threat to native species, i.e. people born in Florida. OMG! Yours truly was born in Florida! Although, if you ask me, this thing is out of luck trying to find a steady supply of people actually born here (hahahaha, am I right?!).

Anyway, Mondays are boring so I thought I'd make an adventure out of it by assigning this day of the week a monster.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Where are they now?

In life you meet a lot of people. Some stay and some go. Sometimes I wonder what the hell happened to those that didn’t stay. The follow is a list of people I just felt like thinking about :

  1. Rex. This guy I met online back when AIM chatrooms weren’t filled with bots. He was a junior and I was a senior. He always wanted to meet but the guy lived in Hialeah…HIALEAH! That was far as fuck and I didn’t know how to drive yet and even when I did learn to that was still too far. Anyway, I remember him mostly for his Barry White voice.
  2. That guy from Belen. So when I was a senior I met this guy online who went to Belen but lived in Key Biscayne. He was pretty cool because he gave me embarrassing information about ex-boyfriend (hahahaha). I was just reminded of him because he sent me this break beat song that just played in my iPod.
  3. Estefano. My first boyfriend (if you want to call him that). I was 16 and he was 19. We were just two souls in love (or just bored, hahahaha). Anyway, he broke up with me because I would go out with my friends and not him (more hahahaha). Funny story about him…I had a friend (same crazy from from previous entry) who liked him. So technically I stole this guy. HAHAHA…I’m Kelly from 90210
  4. Ingrid. My cousin dated this chick while we were in middle school. I never met her in person but we would talk on the phone a lot. We would talk from 6 PM to until 1 AM! Oh summer days…
  5. Omar. Omar was my first serious guy crush. The kind of crush that when I would see him come online I would get up from my chair and jump up and down (maybe). He was sort of this bad ass figure. He had a tough life and he was like this “rebel without a cause.” Anyway, he turned out to be a douche, hahaha! Get this, so he ends up dating my ex-boyfriend (Gay-arms) and does so behind my back, hahahahaha…I just want to know what happened to his shitty ass.
  6. Guy from Coral Park. So I met this guy from Coral Park, I think his name was Alex, and he was really cool. I met him through a mutual friend. I was probably going through a shy stage and never got to meet him.
  7. Jason. This guy was a closet case from Braddock. I remember him constantly telling me I was cute and I would tell him to meet up during lunch so we can be alone. BUT HE ALWAYS BAILED ON ME. What a flake!

Friday, October 29, 2010

It Doesn't Get Better Than This

Maybe it’s the coffee talking (or the couple lines of Colombia’s finest powder, if you know what I mean, hahahaha) but I feel energetic and I’m in an all around good mood! Looking forward to things really helps. What am I looking forward to? Disney of course! Nothing brings joy like a multibillion dollar corporation!
You know what else has my spirits high? A quote from this morning’s Wonkette: “[Gays] positioning as outcasts has made them more willing to accept the differences of others.” Awwww! And guess who’s gay? MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I am very willing to accept people’s differences…except for ugly, fat, and smelly people. HAHAHA, j/k…I’ll accept them too. However, that quote got me thinking that not enough people (gay or straight) accept the differences of others. This sucks, not so much for those people, but for the people who are different. An example, the female Muslim students who wear the hijab. I see them walking on campus with their garments which kind of stands out. Some students stare, which bothers me because what’s wrong with what they’re wearing? It’s okay to dress like a slut with shorts that let your ass cheeks hang out but heaven forbid a woman wear something that covers her entire body???
Anyway, enough social commentary ranting! Last night I got an eerie message. Weird as fuck! Let me fill you in, I recently added an old high school friend to facebook (damn you FB!). We sort of ended on bad terms. He was drama, blah blah, bad, blah. So fast forward to the present! So I add him on facebook because why not? Hahaha…should’ve answered that rhetorical question. Anyway, he messages me and tells me that it’s been a long time, blah, blah, how are you, blah blah, we should exchange numbers, blah. I haven’t responded to the last message from but then I get a message from some chick. She says “You should delete ________ he’s a crazy stalker.” Whoa! Where did that come from? And aren’t stalkers crazy already? Saying “crazy stalker” is redundant. I was bit creeped out by this. Is it true? Do I dare ask how she knows this? And damn! This guy still has drama following him everywhere after 10 years!? For now, I’ll do what I do best. Leave it for later, hahahaha, just like my studying.
I bid you adieu good blog. Take care as I go out and drink the finest wines Disney has to offer.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

What's Happenin' !?

There has been a murdah!

And by murder I mean a string of food robberies. At work. From the company fridge. Mostly people’s hot pockets (I think).

Nonetheless, this is truly a heinous crime! Why, if it were up to me the culprit would be hanged in front of his/her coworkers and then put on display at the break room. Albeit, not as effective as being hanged, drawn and quartered...I suppose this is more humane.

I find it ironic, as I do most things, that while the company is celebrating “Customer Service Week,” employees are mourning the loss of their lunch. But! These crimes have yet to ruin the celebratory mood in the office, proven by management’s lack of concern over this matter. In fact, when brought to a manager’s attention I was lashed out at for barging into a meeting (or was it bathroom?).

Has my food been stolen? Hahaha…don’t be ridiculous. The day that happens may God have mercy on the soul(s) involved. I would make Dr. Mengele (Google him!) look like Mother Teresa!

Come to think of it...I would feel sorry for that person. I'd feel pretty shitty after running to his/her cubicle, causing a scene, making heads turn, cursing him/her out and then throwing the food in their face. On top of that, the person would get fired and would have to clear their desk all by themselves and make that shameful walk outside. All because he/she stole my Luncheables.

Anyway, that was the office gossip for the week and possibly next week when we catch our suspect!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Tonight we dine in Denny's!

Behold! Feast thine eyes on my blog! The first of its kind (not really)!

What more can this blog be missing? Besides followers, a skilled writer and an original template...NOTHING!

I proclaim this blog to be sovereign! Free of tyranny and any foreign influence and blah blah blah on this the year of our Lord, Sixth of October, Two Thousand and Ten.

My first entry. The end.