Monday, August 22, 2011

By the pricking of my thumbs...

Something shitty this way comes! And that is how you introduce a storm heading your way. According to our shitty forecast, a hurricane should be here by maybe Thursday, Friday or Saturday. A very shitty forecast indeed.
There are some pros for a storm coming to destroy your hometown. For one, there may not be any work! Of course, my job will probably wait until the very last minute to tell us that we don’t need to come in the office because of the impending doom looming over us. Then there’s the yummy hurricane supply food you get to eat. Hurricane supply food usually consists of non-perishable items such as: chocolate chip cookies, deviled ham, chili beans, canned soup and more cookies.
What are the cons? Your house may get blown down. But above all, the scariest thing about a hurricane is losing power. We all know that with losing power you lose your internet, air  conditioning, computer usage and any other device you hold dear that runs on power. Sure, your iPod may be able to last a few hours without having to recharge. But what happens if you don’t regain power until 2 or 3 weeks after the storm? What then, huh!? You’re screwed!
For me this will be storm number…5? I’ve lost count. In any case, this should be fun! I’m always one for the unexpected. Except for water parks. Those things scare the fuck out of me.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Reality Slaps Childhood Dream

So I’m taking one of the 30 or 40 walks I take throughout the day and I’m looking at the birds and lizards and thinking “wow…nature.” I says to myself, I says “I should’ve been a biologist!” Then I remembered how boring biology was in high school. Who the hell can keep up with cellular structure and reproduction? Still though…lizards and birds are cool. A lot more cool than, say, my current job. Here is a list of jobs I should have taken up:
Park Ranger. There is nothing more fun than chasing after bears who steal picnic baskets.
Air Force Pilot. This is probably one of the most stress free jobs ever because you can take out your frustration by bombing cities, buildings and your ex’s house.
Paleontologist. Two words: Jurassic Park.
Archaeologist. Uh, hello! Indiana Jones!
Jedi Master. Although it’s believed to be an extinct profession you should never underestimate the power of the Force!
Alchemist. A full metal alchemist to be exact, haha. But seriously, how cool would it be to turn a piece of cardboard into lunch?
Wizard. If Harry Potter could make it through Hogwarts with all that chaos, it should be a walk in the park for me. Assuming I can afford the tuition at Hogwarts, of course.
Bounty Hunter. You know, like in Cowboy Bebop.
Vampire Sheriff. Screw the sheriff part, I just want to be a vampire!
But back to reality, the current job openings are for Quality Control Analyst, Database Administrator and Portfolio Manager. None of these jobs require special powers or sound adventurous. Why would anyone apply?