When playing Duck-Duck-Goose, always pick the fattest kid in the circle. Those pudgy little legs cannot pick up speed fast enough to catch you. Your teacher may call you out on it but hey…you’re only being fair.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
So in high school, senior year, I got the nickname The Claw. No, it’s not what you think. My nails were perfectly trimmed and maintained. My feet resembled baby feet…minus the pudginess. The reason I was called The Claw was because my friend Diego had really cute boyfriends and I just happened to comment and say “hey, your boyfriend is really cute!” I guess my friends thought it was weird and that I was trying to snatch their boyfriends. Which by the way, I could’ve done so if I didn’t have a conscience, hahahahha…not really.
Anyway, I only thought two of his boyfriends were cute. E being one of them. He was a nice guy. He was still in the closet at the time. What was funny is that D was such a queen that E would walk behind him so as not to be associated with his flaming ass boyfriend, hahahaha. R was the other cute boyfriend. I was a bit drunk the night I met him and my thoughts were just pouring out of me at the time.
So you see…I’m not really a boyfriend snatcher. I suppose though that if I were a boyfriend snatcher I would be a lot more subtle and probably very good at it, muahahahhahaha…again, not really.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
“I am a handful. I’m strong willed, independent, a bit outspoken, and I tell like it is. I make mistakes, I am sometimes out of control and at times hard to handle but I love and give with all my heart. If you can’t handle me at my worst then you sure don’t deserve me at my best.”
Allow me to breakdown that ridiculous quote line-by-line.
“I’m strong willed…” A hardheaded motherfucker
“Independent, a bit outspoken…” So you’re single and have an opinion on everything.
“and I tell like it is.” You seem to not be able to distinguish between an opinion and fact.
“I make mistakes…” This person lacks some common sense.
“I am sometimes out of control…” This person has emotional issues that are best left to professionals or to a strong dose of tranquilizers.
“I love and give with all my heart.” Stage 9 clinger over here.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst then you sure don’t deserve me at my best.”
Translation: I should warn you, I’m a total bitch which overshadows any decent qualities I may have.