Friday, January 21, 2011

The unmentionable has happened

My computer at work has been blocked from internet usage. I am now reduced to writing my blogs on a Word document, emailing it to my personal email, opening said email from my phone, copying and pasting, and then posting to my blog from my phone. So this is what it feels like to be cut off from the world, to be in total isolation. Who knows what might be going on right now in the streets of Miami. Are we under a terrorist attack? Is everything ok in Australia?
Sure, I could use my phone’s 3G powers to access the news but that takes too long. I can’t sit around for 2 minutes waiting for a page to load.  There is absolutely nothing like using a company’s T3 internet speed to view sites like CNN or YouTube.
Oh God, how on earth will I be able to look up song lyrics in the middle of the work day? Get it together, Henry! I’ll get through this…I’m pretty sure there is a way around the system. Neo figured out how to stop bullets in the Matrix. How hard can it be to get access to the internet in the office? Pffft…easy peasy.
Mark my words…the next time I write it will be about my victory in sticking it to the man (manager that is)!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Maybe we should have been politicians

I have a very basic idea how Congress may work and it goes a little something like this:
A senator might have a wonderful idea of introducing legislation that would help build roads, as an example. So Senator So-and-So introduces a bill that states “Congress will build new roads.”
Then some other asshole senator puts his goddamn two cents in and says “Better yet, let’s build highways!”
Another senator is like “well, I’ll vote for this if you attach a ‘no gum allowed’ law into this package.”
You also have to deal with the assholes who oppose the bill and try shooting it down for whatever reason.
Let’s not forget the jerks in the Finance Committee who say “we can’t afford this” or “we’re not going to pay for it.” 
Debates go on for a while, people add or change shit on the bill. Finally, you end up with a bill that looks like nothing like the original, “Congress will build new railroads and gum will only be allowed on Fridays, purple monkey dinosaurs rule.” Or the bill is killed and nothing gets done.
Does this process sound all too familiar? Then you’re probably one of my friends, hahaha.