Tuesday, February 8, 2011

BFFs...until you do something to upset me

As we all know, the French are vile creatures (haha, j/k)…but are Americans aware the French were our besties and helped us win the Revolutionary War? It’s true, before they became the surrendering cowards they are now, the French were quite the force to reckon with.

Let’s go back into time…the year: 1770-something. So the Americans were totally pissed off at their roommate the Brits. The Brits were all like “well, you need to pay for some of the shit in this apartment, chap.” And the Americans were like “well, that’s not what you said when I moved in here, dude.” So this whole war started with the Americans and the Brits. The Americans needed some help, so old Ben Franklin goes to Louie VIII (or something like that) and tells him “hey, bro…you really hate the English don’t you?” and the French were like “Oui!” and old Ben is like “Help me, help you!”

So the French joined our little scuffle with the Brits.

Together we send Cornwallis and his merry men crying like bitches back to England.

The French and Americans, best friends for life!

That is until the French had their revolution. The French come back and ask the Americans for help. To which we replied “Nah dude…that sounds gay not right now.” So we totally sold them out! This one French ambassador was even picking out American troops to take back to France and George Washington slapped the powder off his white wig and told him to go home.

And that is how the French and the Americans became mortal enemies. Of course, to believe all of this you would have to disregard the Statue of Liberty, World Wars 1 and 2 (but not 3!) and a couple of trade agreements we have with them.

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