The Monday Monster

Behold! The monster that lurks in the employee parking lot! It has already claimed countless victims (I say “countless” as I haven’t been able to really count how many people, if any at all, that are victims).

So I’m walking to my friend’s car to help her carry some stuff and this 18 inch monster is lying there just soaking up all the power of the sun. It saw me and ran, probably to someone else who looked more delicious.

I ran and screamed like a school girl around the parking lot (not once, not twice but thrice)! I made it safely back to the protection of my office cubicle. I did some arduous and extensive research. I googled non-native lizard species of Florida and immediately found what I was looking for. The monster has a name! Nile Monitor. According to the the Fish & Wildlife Commission, the Nile Monitor is a threat to native species, i.e. people born in Florida. OMG! Yours truly was born in Florida! Although, if you ask me, this thing is out of luck trying to find a steady supply of people actually born here (hahahaha, am I right?!).

Anyway, Mondays are boring so I thought I'd make an adventure out of it by assigning this day of the week a monster.

Where are they now?

In life you meet a lot of people. Some stay and some go. Sometimes I wonder what the hell happened to those that didn’t stay. The follow is a list of people I just felt like thinking about :

1. Rex. This guy I met online back when AIM chatrooms weren’t filled with bots. He was a junior and I was a senior. He always wanted to meet but the guy lived in Hialeah…HIALEAH! That was far as fuck and I didn’t know how to drive yet and even when I did learn to that was still too far. Anyway, I remember him mostly for his Barry White voice.
2. That guy from Belen. So when I was a senior I met this guy online who went to Belen but lived in Key Biscayne. He was pretty cool because he gave me embarrassing information about ex-boyfriend (hahahaha). I was just reminded of him because he sent me this break beat song that just played in my iPod.
3. Estefano. My first boyfriend (if you want to call him that). I was 16 and he was 19. We were just two souls in love (or just bored, hahahaha). Anyway, he broke up with me because I would go out with my friends and not him (more hahahaha). Funny story about him…I had a friend (same crazy from from previous entry) who liked him. So technically I stole this guy. HAHAHA…I’m Kelly from 90210
4. Ingrid. My cousin dated this chick while we were in middle school. I never met her in person but we would talk on the phone a lot. We would talk from 6 PM to until 1 AM! Oh summer days…
5. Omar. Omar was my first serious guy crush. The kind of crush that when I would see him come online I would get up from my chair and jump up and down (maybe). He was sort of this bad ass figure. He had a tough life and he was like this “rebel without a cause.” Anyway, he turned out to be a douche, hahaha! Get this, so he ends up dating my ex-boyfriend (Gay-arms) and does so behind my back, hahahahaha…I just want to know what happened to his shitty ass.
6. Guy from Coral Park. So I met this guy from Coral Park, I think his name was Alex, and he was really cool. I met him through a mutual friend. I was probably going through a shy stage and never got to meet him.
7. Jason. This guy was a closet case from Braddock. I remember him constantly telling me I was cute and I would tell him to meet up during lunch so we can be alone. BUT HE ALWAYS BAILED ON ME. What a flake!

It Doesn't Get Better Than This

Maybe it’s the coffee talking (or the couple lines of Colombia’s finest powder, if you know what I mean, hahahaha) but I feel energetic and I’m in an all around good mood! Looking forward to things really helps. What am I looking forward to? Disney of course! Nothing brings joy like a multibillion dollar corporation!
 
You know what else has my spirits high? A quote from this morning’s Wonkette: “[Gays] positioning as outcasts has made them more willing to accept the differences of others.” Awwww! And guess who’s gay? MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I am very willing to accept people’s differences…except for ugly, fat, and smelly people. HAHAHA, j/k…I’ll accept them too. However, that quote got me thinking that not enough people (gay or straight) accept the differences of others. This sucks, not so much for those people, but for the people who are different. An example, the female Muslim students who wear the hijab. I see them walking on campus with their garments which kind of stands out. Some students stare, which bothers me because what’s wrong with what they’re wearing? It’s okay to dress like a slut with shorts that let your ass cheeks hang out but heaven forbid a woman wear something that covers her entire body???
 
Anyway, enough social commentary ranting! Last night I got an eerie message. Weird as fuck! Let me fill you in, I recently added an old high school friend to facebook (damn you FB!). We sort of ended on bad terms. He was drama, blah blah, bad, blah. So fast forward to the present! So I add him on facebook because why not? Hahaha…should’ve answered that rhetorical question. Anyway, he messages me and tells me that it’s been a long time, blah, blah, how are you, blah blah, we should exchange numbers, blah. I haven’t responded to the last message from but then I get a message from some chick. She says “You should delete ________ he’s a crazy stalker.” Whoa! Where did that come from? And aren’t stalkers crazy already? Saying “crazy stalker” is redundant. I was bit creeped out by this. Is it true? Do I dare ask how she knows this? And damn! This guy still has drama following him everywhere after 10 years!? For now, I’ll do what I do best. Leave it for later, hahahaha, just like my studying.
 
I bid you adieu good blog. Take care as I go out and drink the finest wines Disney has to offer.
 
 

Yo Chris!

What's Happenin' !?

There has been a murdah!

And by murder I mean a string of food robberies. At work. From the company fridge. Mostly people’s hot pockets (I think).

Nonetheless, this is truly a heinous crime! Why, if it were up to me the culprit would be hanged in front of his/her coworkers and then put on display at the break room. Albeit, not as effective as being hanged, drawn and quartered...I suppose this is more humane.

I find it ironic, as I do most things, that while the company is celebrating “Customer Service Week,” employees are mourning the loss of their lunch. But! These crimes have yet to ruin the celebratory mood in the office, proven by management’s lack of concern over this matter. In fact, when brought to a manager’s attention I was lashed out at for barging into a meeting (or was it bathroom?).

Has my food been stolen? Hahaha…don’t be ridiculous. The day that happens may God have mercy on the soul(s) involved. I would make Dr. Mengele (Google him!) look like Mother Teresa!

Come to think of it...I would feel sorry for that person. I'd feel pretty shitty after running to his/her cubicle, causing a scene, making heads turn, cursing him/her out and then throwing the food in their face. On top of that, the person would get fired and would have to clear their desk all by themselves and make that shameful walk outside. All because he/she stole my Luncheables.

Anyway, that was the office gossip for the week and possibly next week when we catch our suspect!

Tonight we dine in Denny's!

Behold! Feast thine eyes on my blog! The first of its kind (not really)!

What more can this blog be missing? Besides followers, a skilled writer and an original template...NOTHING!

I proclaim this blog to be sovereign! Free of tyranny and any foreign influence and blah blah blah on this the year of our Lord, Sixth of October, Two Thousand and Ten.

My first entry. The end.